Building Muscle in arms?

First of all don't feel bad that your arms are big. Women carry the greatest percentage of fat on there upper arms. Your pole dancing will be helping build lean muscle m which will eat up calories even while you are sedentary. However to help you get tone lean muscle it best to train with weights try doing some bend over rows, hammer curls, and some tricep dips (tricep excersises are excellent in tightening the back of the upper arms so when you wave good bye nothing will jiggle). use light weights and longer repetitions and this will help you have leaner muscle if you use heavier weights with shorter repetitions your muscle will bulk like a guy and you don't want that. so hope this helps :)